During adolescence, teens may find it hard to talk openly and honestly with parents. Sometimes, in trying to separate from their parents, teens end up disagreeing, rebelling, and clashing with their parents more than before. Other teens may want to speak their mind on certain issues but are afraid they are going to upset their parents. Much of the time, what could be a relaxed conversation can end up turning into a yelling match. These types of arguments leave both teens and adults feeling frustrated and misunderstood. How can you be heard by parents, and have them actually listen to what is being said?

1. Choose a time when your parent is relaxed. Trying to talk to them when they are rushed, tired, or in the middle of a big project is a bad idea. Parents are usually receptive during car rides, mealtimes, or other times of day they appear to be relaxed and attentive.
2. Keep conversations as specific as possible, stick to one issue at a time.
3. Use "I" statements when talking about your feelings.
4. Listen to parents' point of view. Hear them out before jumping into the conversation. It may be helpful to repeat back what you hear them say. This will clarify the message so both parties clearly understand the content of the conversation.
5. Learn to monitor your body language. Actions speak louder than words. Remember to keep your emotions and behavior in check when communicating. This includes your tone of voice, facial expressions, and your body movements. Staying in control helps parents hear you instead of reacting to your behavior.

Even when your parents are listening to you, they may say or suggest ideas or opinions with which you disagree. While it is all right to disagree with your parents, doing so in a respectful way keeps the door open for future discussions. Below are a few ways to disagree while being respectful:

1. Don't make it personal. If you get upset, try to remember you are mad at the idea or subject your parent or another adult is raising, not the person.
2. Avoid putting down your parents' ideas and beliefs. Instead of saying, "That's a stupid idea," say, "I don't agree, and here's why."
3. Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Using "you" statements can sound argumentative. For example, telling mom or dad, "You always remind me about my chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework" has a very different tone from "I am feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?"
4. Listen to the other point of view. Doing so makes it more likely that a parent or adult will listen to yours.

With new situations come difficult decisions, and you may need to talk to an adult about how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Such issues like dating, driving, and peer-pressure can be difficult to talk about. Do not let this stop you from going to your parents for help or advice. There are easier ways to approaching these issues with your parents.

1. Plan what you want to say ahead of time. Thinking the issue over beforehand or writing notes will help you manage the conversation. Write down the three most important things you want your parents to know (many adults use this technique, too, it's a great way to prioritize and focus the conversation on what is important). You may also want to think about how your parents might react. Plan the most effective response.
2. Let them know directly there is something you'd like to discuss. To be sure you have their full attention, be direct in your language. Say, "There is something important I want to talk to you about," instead of, "Hey, when you have a moment I would like to talk." Of course, if the issue you have is an emergency, you'll need to address your concern quickly.
3. Pick a good time to talk. Try to approach them at a time when you know they will be less busy and more able to focus on you. You may even want to ask if they could set aside an hour or so to talk at a particular time so that you know you have their undivided attention.
4. Write it down. Some people find it easier to put their ideas into a letter. Let the other person read it and then have your discussion.

While it seems tough right now to communicate with your parents and other adults, chances are it will get better in time. During adulthood, it is likely you will go back to feeling close to your parents and you will speak with them on a new level.

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