You just went through a break-up and are feeling down, you are not alone. Just about everyone experiences a break-up at sometime, and many then have to deal with heartbreak (a wave of grief, anger, confusion, low self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy all at once). Millions of poems and songs have been written about having a broken heart and wars have even been fought because of heartbreak.

What Exactly Is Heartbreak? Many things can cause heartbreak. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended before they were ready. Others might have strong feelings for someone who does not feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend moves out of their life. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same — whether it is the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.

How Can I Deal With How I Feel? Most people will say that you will get over it or you will meet someone else, but when it is happening to you, it can feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same way. If you are experiencing these feelings, there are things you can do to lessen the pain. Here are some tips that might help:

1. Share your feelings. Some people find sharing their feelings with someone they trust, someone who recognizes what they are going through, helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. If you feel like someone can not relate to what you are going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more empathetic to talk to. Talk with a friend, a family member, a teacher, or counselor.
2. Remember what is good about you. This one is really important. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what has happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they are experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can not think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, have your friends to remind you.
3. Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful, so do not let the rest of your body get broken. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress, depression, and give your self-esteem a boost.
4. Do not be afraid to cry. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is a tough one for guys, but there is no shame in crying now and then. No one has to see you do it. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night, or in the shower when you are getting ready for the day.
5. Do the things you normally enjoy. Whether it is seeing a movie or going to a concert, do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while.
6. Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you are coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room, or try a new hobby. That does not mean you should not think about what happened, working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process, it just means you should focus on other things.
7. Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they will not feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks, and sometimes even months.

Some people feel that nothing will make them happy again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else. People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to escape from the reality of a loss may think they are numbing their pain, but numbing is only temporary. They are not really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all their feelings build up inside and prolongs the sadness.

Sometimes the sadness is so deep, or lasts so long, that a person may need some extra support. For someone who is not starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful. You can talk to someone anonymously 24/7 and get referrals by calling 211/First Call For Help at 2-1-1or 262-547-3388.

So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin.

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